Entry 8

I'm breathless and alive and yet I could just die! I can't even write everything that happened today... I truly feel like Cinderella, but with a bigger waist and a much more substantial butt.

As I sit here and remember how I felt at Adolpho's... how I felt when Jon looked at me in my dress... how I felt when I finally saw myself, my heart pounds and my palms get sweaty. And then to hear him speak to me the way he did at the party... I can still feel his warm breath across my ear as he proves to me how much he wants me! I thought I was going to die...

I stand by my assessment of Jon... he's a wonderful and caring man and I'm beginning to think he really does want me. Is it possible for a man like him to want me? He says all the right things, that's for sure. But still, if he ever saw me without my clothes, would he still want me? I can't help but wonder...

Why is it that words from eleven years ago still have the power to hurt me? How is it that someone I loved so dearly could have turned their back on me?

And then again, Jon seemed to save the day with his sweetly whispered words of desire. Even in the darkness I could feel my face flame at his descriptions of what he wanted to do with me! He made me want to leap through the phone and burrow into his embrace.

I could have been in his arms, it would only have taken one word whispered oh-so-softly into the phone... and I'm sure the lovemaking would have been more powerful than anything I had ever experienced before, but I chickened out. Will I ever have the courage to be with him? 

<sigh>

With great fondness,
Samantha