Entry 12

I don't even know where to start... or what to think. This letter from my mother just arrived out of the blue and I don't know what to do with it. She's sick, she tells me, but what does that mean? She's dying, she says, but how much time do I have to figure out what my heart tells me to do?

And Jon, what will he think of me? I can't imagine going back to that place to see the woman who turned me out on my own when I was so young. I'm sure HE will be there... the man who was so cruel to me and the woman who allowed him to be that way. I can't go back, I just can't.

But she's my mother...

Jon tells me to follow my heart, but I don't know what my heart says. He says he will support me no matter what but how can he understand when he comes from such a loving background. I never had the kind of love and acceptance that was abundant in his childhood. What will he think if I let her die without seeing her? And why after all these years does she now beg for my forgiveness? And what if I can't give it?

My Dearest Diary, how I wish you could tell me the right thing to do.

Samantha